Epic. Failure.

Two weeks it has been since my last post. TWO WEEKS!!! What an opportunity for growth is all I guess I can say about that; learning how hard it is for me to stick with even the simplest tasks... Le sigh.

On the up side, I actually have some things to talk about now!


To start with, I am not going to be an RA this coming year and am going to live off campus with some good buddies of mine! While I am excited about this new direction, I know that if I had taken the time to actually pray through this, I would have realized that I should be an RA. Again, growth opportunities in that I had to humble myself a bit and at least try to go down the path that God would have preferred me to take. This is an interesting topic and one that I have been discussing with a good buddy of mine quite a lot recently. My stand is that God does not make your decisions for you and that the more you live your life in a manner that is consistent with Biblical teachings, the easier it will be for the decision making to mirror the characteristics Christ desires of us. So I am trying to learn how to do just that.....


I think one of the best ways to figure out God's will is to pray. A lot and seriously. How I am undertakng this challenge is to, literally, get on my face and pray for at least a half an hour. I have, so far, only done this twice ( I started on Sunday so I am on track) and it's hard. But it is SO worth it. I can already feel a change in myself, the breaking down of walls and the loosening of the death grip I have on my life. Not to mention the fact that 30 minutes is already not enough time.

Next on this list of ideas for growth: I am on a media fast. What this looks is that I am not on FB (except to post this), I am not listening to music, and I am not watching TV or movies. I felt like I needed to do this because when I went down to pray the first night, I had a hard time being still and hearing what God might try to say to me because I kept running through the shows that I had watched and thinking about how I would have written them or acted them or whatever. Then I would switch to different songs that were stuck in my head and singing those. And it is mighty hard to hear God when you have Adele rolling in the depths of your mind (see what I did there?). And of course FB is just time consuming and really very pointless if you think about it.

I am really trying to do these things because Christ has been faithful to me and has given me stewardship over things that I have been utterly failing to be faithful with. I am such a superficial Christian and have always been terrified of going any deeper, so this is my attempt at learning to trust that God will ALWAYS be faithful. I can't even begin to explain why I don't and never really have because I'm not even entirely sure. I just know that this is not how I want to live and I have never truly believed that walking away from this relationship that started ages ago is an option.....

Well, I'll keep you all (all, what? 3-4 of you?) updated on how this goes!!