Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Thoughts on Singlness

I am 28. I am single wiith no hope of change in sight. And I am good with that. And I am also not good with that. I am writing this because I think there is a stigma in regards to talking openly about my feelings towards being single. Maybe not everywhere and with everyone, but it is there. Or maybe I put it out there... The thing is, I don't know. I don't know if "my guy" is out there. I don't know if I'll lead a single life until death. I don't know if I'll meet him tomorrow.

What I do know is that these questions are almost always on my mind. I mean, I live my life and am pretty stinking busy most of the time. But, those questions are there on the regular. They don't generally get the steering wheel. Most of the time. There are good days (the ones where being single is awesome and I wouldn't have it any other way) and bad days (the ones where I am convinced I am going to die alone and be eaten by my cats (and the fact that I even have cats is just another sign of how lonely I was since I am allergic and not overly fond of cats to begin with...) only to be found by my land lord weeks later because I am over due on my rent) and there also just days.

Those days, the days that are just days, might be my favorite. Those are the days where I am not defining my self or being defined by society as good or bad based on my ever unchanging relationship status. The days when I am just me, Kimi. I definitely like those days. Those days the question of single or taken don't come to mind. On those days I get to be human. One of 6 billion other humans who are alive. I like those because those are the days when I remember how truly blessed and happy I am. How safe. How full and good my life is.

They don't last though. The "just" days. The sun sets and rises and the day changes. But not the taboo-ness of talking about how it feels to be single, that sticks like a wad of gum in hair. So, I am going to say it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship and admitting it (I can say this because I am a (reasonbly) mature and well-rounded adult who more or less has her crap together) and there is nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship either. Let's live life as we have it make the most of it. Because while we can't control our relationship status, we can control how well we live the life we have. So go, do, be.