Wednesday, January 28, 2015

"Part 2"

This post was supposed to be up last week so I apologize for the delay. But, here it is!



My Thursday night in December of 2012 was exactly how I described it in my last post: ho-hummery sameness. Little did I know that 3 hours away there were people praying for me. Little did I know that my life, by the end of that week, was going to take an aburpt and drastic shift in direction and purpose; I was actually going to get some!

There I was, in my car, heading home from work, driving the same route I always took, going in circles in my mind about the same problems that had no solution. I had zero expectation for anything to change. The image that comes to mind now is a hamster in a wheel. I wasn't going anywhere but didn't know what else to do. So I just kept spinning that wheel. And spinning it. And spinning it. And you know what else? Spinning it. And then BAM!! All of a sudden something came to mind (and while I wish remember what it was, I don't think it's all that important) that I knew I needed to pray about and I did. Remember in the post before this one (http://asilive.blogspot.com/2015/01/3-years-is-way-too-long.html) I said that I hadn't prayed in months because there was a tangible wall up? Just as tangibly, and incredibly unexpectedly, it was gone. I wish I was a more seasoned writer so that I could bring you to this place in my memory... I will try to help you see and feel how it felt. Reader, imagine that you've been in a cage. No, not a cage. A dungeon. All around you there is thick darkness and even though you can't see the walls that surround you, you can feel them. There is little air and what is there is thin and stale. You don't know how you got there or how long you've been captive, you know only that you're not going to get out. Now imagine that the walls suddenly drop. You still don't know where you are or how you got there, but you've got something. You've got hope. Maybe it's only a small flicker, but it's there.  And that little flicker is enough for you to reach out.

I need to introduce someone. There is this woman, this fireball, this passionate, crazy, unbelievably loving woman named Kerre who has impacted me in ways too deep for words. We met in college, she, and her husband Kellen, were my dorm directors my first 2.5ish years years of college. After they moved to Kansas City in February-March of my junior year, we stayed in contact (which is a miracle in and of itself, I'm a terrible communicator!). I don't know how I knew that she had been praying for me but I did and so she was the one I text.

"Were you praying for me tonight?" I asked.

I get a phone call the next day.

"Why? What happened?" Kerre.

I explained.

"We've started going to this new church and tonight was the corporate prayer night. While I wasn't praying for you specifically, we were praying for people in our spheres of influence to be open to God."

Me,"..."

"You've got to be here this weekend!" Kerre.

(I was working in an art gallery/coffee shop at the time and it was only me and my manager, whose kids had been sick that week and she thought she might be coming down with it. Also, I am not nearly as cool as working in an art gallery/coffee shop makes me sound.)

I explain all of this to Kerre.

"You're going to be here this weekend, just be packed and ready to go." Kerre.

"Sure, ok.(crazy lady)".

Come Saturday, I'm at work in the morning and just can't quite work up to texting my manager to find out if I was going to be able to leave. Finally, right around 12:00-12:30, I had figured out what I was going to say and I was typing up the message to send her when my cell rings. In my hand. My boss on the other end. It took me longer to answer then it should have because I was slightly in shock.

"Hello?" Me.

"Hey! Were you still wanting to go to Kansas City today?"

"Yes...?"

"Ok, cool. Well, just go ahead and leave at 2 and if I'm not there just put up the sign telling people to go through to coffee shop."

"Ok, thanks...!?"

Seriously?! Just go ahead and leave?! I was in shock. And not packed. And not really wanting to have to tell Kerre she was right! (Which, she is a lot, btw)

Two o'clock rolls around, put up the sign. Lock the door. Drive to my apartment. Pack in under 5 minutes (I have a witness!). Drive to Kansas City. Get into Kerre and Kellens car (they had it running and were waiting for me!) Drive to the church. Get out. Meet about a bazillion people. Watch these bazillion people worship like I had never seen anyone do before. Sit down at the end of worship, turn to Kerre and say,

"I guess I'm moving to Kansas City when I graduate."

Readers, a lot of you remember your first visit to our church. You remember the songs and the speaker and the first prayer warrior to pray for you at the end of service. I don't remember any of that. I remember feeling like I was home for the first time. I remember that I just knew moving to be a part of this church was right. There was no big bang moment for me. It was just right.

So, 5 months later, I moved. And I've never looked back or (at least seriously) looked around. It has been a guy wrenching almost 2 years. There has been so much that I've learned and I've grown so much I don't even recognize myself. But do you know who I am starting to recognize in myself? My savior. True, the glimpses are brief and can be pretty far apart, but they are there. I don't say this to put myself up on some pedestal or to draw attention to myself, I say it because it's true. It has nothing to do with me. You just read my story, I made bad choices. I'd turned away from God. But because of who he is, he drew me back to himself. There are so many people whom I know have prayed for me, and it's also because of your faithfulness that I am where I am. If you've prayed for me to find God, to live a good life, to be more, to do more, whatever, thank you. I cannot repay to you the debt that's owed. I can only stay the course; and through your prayers, the faithfulness of God, and my receptivity to his workings in me, I will. And now you'll get to come alongside me as I grow and learn and make mistakes and have triumphs and sorrows. But that is life. And I get to live it.



P.S. I apologize for any typos. My computer is acting up so I typed a lot of this on my phone 😳






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