Wow. 3 years since my last post. Is there any possible way to catch up on EVERYTHING that's happened? I doubt it. So, I'll start with the biggies. I have graduated from college (yay me!), moved to Raytown, MO, and most importantly, I've found God. Mind you this is not the exact order...
Honestly, I don't know if I can even put into words what I have experienced, how I have changed, and what I have learned over the last 2 years into words. But I am going to try. Reader, this is my disclaimer: I am a Christian. I am directing this blog towards Christians. If you are not a Christian and read this, I pray that you will find hope in my words. But if anything I say offends you, remember that I am not directing this towards you. If you're a Christian and it offends, I promise you that was not my intention. My heart is to build you up, challenge you, and to help you grow. I have no other purpose in my life other than my brothers and sisters in the faith. You are my heart and soul and I need you.
Disclaimer written, I suggest you buckle up and take a deep breath because my story has been quite the ride to live. At least I think so.
I've been a Christian my whole life. I remember going to church on Sundays and potlucks and Sunday school and small groups. I remember summer camp with my youth group and all those crazy games. I remember "graduating" (I was homeschooled) high school and drifting away from God and church. I remember convincing myself that I didn't have to go to church or pray or read my bible to have a relationship with God. I remember coming to a point where I questioned his existence. I remember feeling crazy with the chaos in my mind and wondering if anyone else felt like this. And I remember the night it all started to turn around, the night I met God.
Hold on, spoilers ;)
Looking back now, I can see his hand of protection. His utter and complete unfailing faithfulness. There was so much more darkness knocking at my door than what I allowed in. Undoubtedly, he was covering me. I do doubt that that had too much to do with me and more to do with the people who love me who have faith. I never became a partyer or an alcoholic or promiscuous or anything like that, but there was deep darkness and depression beginning to crush me.
Remember that chaos in my mind I mentioned earlier? It was starting to get so bad that I was beginning to wonder if I maybe wasn't schizophrenic or something. I don't think I was. I just think that I had worn down my spiritual protective walls so much that the enemy and his forces were just right there. I mean, they were just right there... God is so good though. I never did anything harmful to myself to try and escape them, but maybe mostly because I didn't recognize them for what they were... I don't know. I just know that God had definitely placed me in some sort of protective bubble.
OK, I think you've got a decent idea of where I was spiritually on a Thursday night in December of 2012. I had not prayed or opened my bible in months. Attended a church service? Ha! I kid you not, any time I had even thought about praying there was a wall up so tangible I could practically feel it. You can imagine my surprise when, out of nowhere, it was gone. To me, it was just another night of sameness. Another night of whatever, ho-hummery. But God had something else in mind. I do not doubt that he has been calling me for a long time. I was just finally able to hear him.
What happened next? Be looking for my next blog! I can hardly wait to tell you but I'll bet you're pretty tired of reading by now, huh? ;) I hope you'll be looking for it!
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