tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83672089517478675162024-03-21T02:45:30.367-07:00As I liveThe Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-58497058352600630982016-02-23T05:02:00.002-08:002016-02-23T05:02:40.878-08:00Time to Choose...AgainYou know those mornings where you just wake up early for no reason and can't go back to sleep? Yup, that's me this morning. I have no reason to be awake right now. But here I am, I've been awake for almost an hour and would still (almost) rather be asleep. Except that God is reminding me of some things.<br />
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He's reminding me that our relationship was not a one time decision. He's telling me, once again, that I have to choose him every day, usually multiple times. TV or prayer? Angry Birds or Bible? Time to choose.<br />
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He's reminding me that there are very few people that choose the way of life because it is narrow. His specific example was that of a healthy and active life versus a destructive and sedentary one. Too few people choose life. Go for a walk or order a pizza? Eating that cookie or eating that apple? Time to choose.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggkT1dShSdVeiYO-emGfyS_cdZNZvfzKF4M2jew3EdkTc9s3NfyJxr0_jNRKHOid5Fnjeq7_AG_a8RgXBFPllB7Kj1mzluRqrYgzh9jiYvD3N7gLg0ErWtTVlC1OsObx9J52Apw9YqU3U/s1600/isa-43-18-19_470x290-470x260.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggkT1dShSdVeiYO-emGfyS_cdZNZvfzKF4M2jew3EdkTc9s3NfyJxr0_jNRKHOid5Fnjeq7_AG_a8RgXBFPllB7Kj1mzluRqrYgzh9jiYvD3N7gLg0ErWtTVlC1OsObx9J52Apw9YqU3U/s400/isa-43-18-19_470x290-470x260.jpg" width="400" /></a>He's reminding me that his mercy is new every morning. That yesterday is done so I cannot let those choices dictate today's. He told me to remember that tomorrow has not yet happened and so I cannot let potential bad and wrong choices weigh on me. Today is a new day and because of his strength I can make better choices.<br />
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He's reminding me that he still loves me and that I CAN and I WILL have the life he has shown me I can have, if I remain in him.<br />
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I am not unique. That life you imagine, you can have it. He has promised good to his people. So let's choose life, again.The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-36292263586872214242015-12-15T22:22:00.000-08:002015-12-15T22:22:30.096-08:00Thoughts on SinglnessI am 28. I am single wiith no hope of change in sight. And I am good with that. And I am also not good with that. I am writing this because I think there is a stigma in regards to talking openly about my feelings towards being single. Maybe not everywhere and with everyone, but it is there. Or maybe I put it out there... The thing is, I don't know. I don't know if "my guy" is out there. I don't know if I'll lead a single life until death. I don't know if I'll meet him tomorrow.<br />
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What I do know is that these questions are almost always on my mind. I mean, I live my life and am pretty stinking busy most of the time. But, those questions are there on the regular. They don't generally get the steering wheel. Most of the time. There are good days (the ones where being single is awesome and I wouldn't have it any other way) and bad days (the ones where I am convinced I am going to die alone and be eaten by my cats (and the fact that I even have cats is just another sign of how lonely I was since I am allergic and not overly fond of cats to begin with...) only to be found by my land lord weeks later because I am over due on my rent) and there also just days.<br />
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Those days, the days that are just days, might be my favorite. Those are the days where I am not defining my self or being defined by society as good or bad based on my ever unchanging relationship status. The days when I am just me, Kimi. I definitely like those days. Those days the question of single or taken don't come to mind. On those days I get to be human. One of 6 billion other humans who are alive. I like those because those are the days when I remember how truly blessed and happy I am. How safe. How full and good my life is.<br />
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They don't last though. The "just" days. The sun sets and rises and the day changes. But not the taboo-ness of talking about how it feels to be single, that sticks like a wad of gum in hair. So, I am going to say it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship and admitting it (I can say this because I am a (reasonbly) mature and well-rounded adult who more or less has her crap together) and there is nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship either. Let's live life as we have it make the most of it. Because while we can't control our relationship status, we can control how well we live the life we have. So go, do, be.The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-36067364635654837682015-02-10T11:42:00.002-08:002015-02-10T11:42:37.747-08:00Fire quenchers, Pride, and Stupidity I've been trying to figure out how to tell this story for awhile. I even started a draft that was completely different than what you are reading now. Mostly, I believe, it's because I didn't know what wall was brought down through the following story; probably due to the hardest of my own heart. Now, two years after the fact, I believe I've got it.<br />
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For those of you who don't know, I have college degree in Human Services. I had drifted through my early 20's and finally decided that I would never be or do anything without a college education. Getting that degree became my lifeline, my identifier, my hope and my salvation. I was one of the very first people in my family, extended and immediate, to graduate with a bachelors.<br />
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Looking back, I never knew how much weight I was placing in the relative weightless piece of paper. But it was a mountain in my life. A bolder. Getting that document was the only thing I had going for me. Or so I believed.<br />
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As an academic, or maybe it was just my personality, I was never wrong. I could not and would not be made a fool. If someone was smarter than me I simply ignored them (side note, I'm really not that smart, so I ignored a lot of people!) or found myself getting infuriated. I was cynical. Above all else, I had to be right and I would not be proved wrong.<br />
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Stupid me! This attitude quenched (stopped me from hearing him and so stopping me from obeying his direction) God's potential fire in my life. True, there were many other things woven into the affective fire-blanket over my spiritual life, but an unwillingness to be shown wrong stopped Him in my life and will do the same in yours.<br />
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I am so thankful that, by His grace alone, this attitude collapsed! But because of my utter stupidity, it almost took me out with it.<br />
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I had one semester left when I met God. Just one. Sixteen more weeks. January to May. You know the saying "the bigger they are, the harder they fall?" Yup. It's true. I became so eager to be where I am now that I almost dropped out! What a mistake that would have been. Nor do I believe that was what God really wanted me to do. As eager as I became to leave the degree behind, there were a lot of tears leading up to that point. Basically, God was opening my eyes to how much esteem and value I had placed in a worldly system as opposed to His. </div>
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My point in all of this rambling? I've learned that, firstly, my worth and identity can only be found in him. Secondly, no matter how good and right a thing may seem, it is only ever a tool. Third, I had, and still have some, attitudes and thoughts that quench his ability to work in and through me.<br />
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What are some fire quenchers in your life? Seek him, find out what they are, and get them out! I promise you, letting him consume you will be the best thing you ever do. </div>
The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-15666009678061477172015-01-28T20:17:00.001-08:002015-01-28T20:19:05.974-08:00"Part 2"This post was supposed to be up last week so I apologize for the delay. But, here it is!<br />
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My Thursday night in December of 2012 was exactly how I described it in my last post: ho-hummery sameness. Little did I know that 3 hours away there were people praying for me. Little did I know that my life, by the end of that week, was going to take an aburpt and drastic shift in direction and purpose; I was actually going to get some!<br />
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There I was, in my car, heading home from work, driving the same route I always took, going in circles in my mind about the same problems that had no solution. I had zero expectation for anything to change. The image that comes to mind now is a hamster in a wheel. I wasn't going anywhere but didn't know what else to do. So I just kept spinning that wheel. And spinning it. And spinning it. And you know what else? Spinning it. And then BAM!! All of a sudden something came to mind (and while I wish remember what it was, I don't think it's all that important) that I knew I needed to pray about and <b>I did.</b> Remember in the post before this one (http://asilive.blogspot.com/2015/01/3-years-is-way-too-long.html) I said that I hadn't prayed in months because there was a tangible wall up? Just as tangibly, and incredibly unexpectedly, it was gone. I wish I was a more seasoned writer so that I could bring you to this place in my memory... I will try to help you see and feel how it felt. Reader, imagine that you've been in a cage. No, not a cage. A dungeon. All around you there is thick darkness and even though you can't see the walls that surround you, you can feel them. There is little air and what is there is thin and stale. You don't know how you got there or how long you've been captive, you know only that you're not going to get out. Now imagine that the walls suddenly drop. You still don't know where you are or how you got there, but you've got something. You've got hope. Maybe it's only a small flicker, but it's there. And that little flicker is enough for you to reach out.<br />
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I need to introduce someone. There is this woman, this fireball, this passionate, crazy, unbelievably loving woman named Kerre who has impacted me in ways too deep for words. We met in college, she, and her husband Kellen, were my dorm directors my first 2.5ish years years of college. After they moved to Kansas City in February-March of my junior year, we stayed in contact (which is a miracle in and of itself, I'm a terrible communicator!). I don't know how I knew that she had been praying for me but I did and so she was the one I text.<br />
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"Were you praying for me tonight?" I asked.<br />
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I get a phone call the next day.<br />
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"Why? What happened?" Kerre.<br />
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I explained.<br />
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"We've started going to this new church and tonight was the corporate prayer night. While I wasn't praying for you specifically, we were praying for people in our spheres of influence to be open to God."<br />
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Me,"..."<br />
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"You've got to be here this weekend!" Kerre.<br />
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(I was working in an art gallery/coffee shop at the time and it was only me and my manager, whose kids had been sick that week and she thought she might be coming down with it. Also, I am not nearly as cool as working in an art gallery/coffee shop makes me sound.)<br />
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I explain all of this to Kerre.<br />
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"You're going to be here this weekend, just be packed and ready to go." Kerre.<br />
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"Sure, ok.(crazy lady)".<br />
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Come Saturday, I'm at work in the morning and just can't quite work up to texting my manager to find out if I was going to be able to leave. Finally, right around 12:00-12:30, I had figured out what I was going to say and I was typing up the message to send her when my cell rings. In my hand. My boss on the other end. It took me longer to answer then it should have because I was slightly in shock.<br />
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"Hello?" Me.<br />
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"Hey! Were you still wanting to go to Kansas City today?"<br />
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"Yes...?"<br />
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"Ok, cool. Well, just go ahead and leave at 2 and if I'm not there just put up the sign telling people to go through to coffee shop."<br />
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"Ok, thanks...!?"<br />
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Seriously?! Just go ahead and leave?! I was in shock. And not packed. And not really wanting to have to tell Kerre she was right! (Which, she is a lot, btw)<br />
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Two o'clock rolls around, put up the sign. Lock the door. Drive to my apartment. Pack in under 5 minutes (I have a witness!). Drive to Kansas City. Get into Kerre and Kellens car (they had it running and were waiting for me!) Drive to the church. Get out. Meet about a bazillion people. Watch these bazillion people worship like I had never seen anyone do before. Sit down at the end of worship, turn to Kerre and say,<br />
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"I guess I'm moving to Kansas City when I graduate."<br />
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Readers, a lot of you remember your first visit to our church. You remember the songs and the speaker and the first prayer warrior to pray for you at the end of service. I don't remember any of that. I remember feeling like I was home for the first time. I remember that I just knew moving to be a part of this church was right. There was no big bang moment for me. It was just right.<br />
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So, 5 months later, I moved. And I've never looked back or (at least seriously) looked around. It has been a guy wrenching almost 2 years. There has been so much that I've learned and I've grown so much I don't even recognize myself. But do you know who I am starting to recognize in myself? My savior. True, the glimpses are brief and can be pretty far apart, but they are there. I don't say this to put myself up on some pedestal or to draw attention to myself, I say it because it's true. It has nothing to do with me. You just read my story, I made bad choices. I'd turned away from God. But because of who he is, he drew me back to himself. There are so many people whom I know have prayed for me, and it's also because of your faithfulness that I am where I am. If you've prayed for me to find God, to live a good life, to be more, to do more, whatever, thank you. I cannot repay to you the debt that's owed. I can only stay the course; and through your prayers, the faithfulness of God, and my receptivity to his workings in me, I will. And now you'll get to come alongside me as I grow and learn and make mistakes and have triumphs and sorrows. But that is life. And I get to live it.<br />
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P.S. I apologize for any typos. My computer is acting up so I typed a lot of this on my phone 😳<br />
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<br />The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-15069312856585604952015-01-13T19:06:00.000-08:002015-01-13T19:57:53.365-08:003 years is way too long...Wow. 3 years since my last post. Is there any possible way to catch up on EVERYTHING that's happened? I doubt it. So, I'll start with the biggies. I have graduated from college (yay me!), moved to Raytown, MO, and most importantly, I've found God. Mind you this is not the exact order...<br />
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Honestly, I don't know if I can even put into words what I have experienced, how I have changed, and what I have learned over the last 2 years into words. But I am going to try. Reader, this is my disclaimer: I am a Christian. I am directing this blog towards Christians. If you are not a Christian and read this, I pray that you will find hope in my words. But if anything I say offends you, remember that I am not directing this towards you. If you're a Christian and it offends, I promise you that was not my intention. My heart is to build you up, challenge you, and to help you grow. I have no other purpose in my life other than my brothers and sisters in the faith. You are my heart and soul and I need you.<br />
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Disclaimer written, I suggest you buckle up and take a deep breath because my story has been quite the ride to live. At least I think so.<br />
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I've been a Christian my whole life. I remember going to church on Sundays and potlucks and Sunday school and small groups. I remember summer camp with my youth group and all those crazy games. I remember "graduating" (I was homeschooled) high school and drifting away from God and church. I remember convincing myself that I didn't have to go to church or pray or read my bible to have a relationship with God. I remember coming to a point where I questioned his existence. I remember feeling crazy with the chaos in my mind and wondering if anyone else felt like this. And I remember the night it all started to turn around, the night I met God.<br />
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Hold on, spoilers ;)<br />
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Looking back now, I can see his hand of protection. His utter and complete unfailing faithfulness. There was so much more darkness knocking at my door than what I allowed in. Undoubtedly, he was covering me. I do doubt that that had too much to do with me and more to do with the people who love me who have faith. I never became a partyer or an alcoholic or promiscuous or anything like that, but there was deep darkness and depression beginning to crush me.<br />
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Remember that chaos in my mind I mentioned earlier? It was starting to get so bad that I was beginning to wonder if I maybe wasn't schizophrenic or something. I don't think I was. I just think that I had worn down my spiritual protective walls so much that the enemy and his forces were just right there. I mean, they were just right there... God is so good though. I never did anything harmful to myself to try and escape them, but maybe mostly because I didn't recognize them for what they were... I don't know. I just know that God had definitely placed me in some sort of protective bubble.<br />
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OK, I think you've got a decent idea of where I was spiritually on a Thursday night in December of 2012. I had not prayed or opened my bible in months. Attended a church service? Ha! I kid you not, any time I had even thought about praying there was a wall up so tangible I could practically feel it. You can imagine my surprise when, out of nowhere, it was gone. To me, it was just another night of sameness. Another night of whatever, ho-hummery. But God had something else in mind. I do not doubt that he has been calling me for a long time. I was just finally able to hear him.<br />
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What happened next? Be looking for my next blog! I can hardly wait to tell you but I'll bet you're pretty tired of reading by now, huh? ;) I hope you'll be looking for it!The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-27836271464100143492012-10-24T21:55:00.000-07:002012-10-24T21:55:55.578-07:00Stupid, Silly Me<div style="text-align: center;">
I've got something building up inside of me</div>
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Screaming for release</div>
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Held these words inside for so long; time to set them free</div>
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I desired more than I could have; it slipped away again</div>
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Held too tight, too close</div>
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You ask if I'm alone again?</div>
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I never was </div>
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I take what I think is mine and that's what makes me ill</div>
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That's what makes me ache inside</div>
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The pattern of my rebellion is the root of all my grief</div>
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What power I think have</div>
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Prove myself a fool again; simple, simple me</div>
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I hope this time I've finally learned</div>
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Twenty-five years in the making, wonder if I even can</div>
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You broke the chains, but I like them where they are</div>
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Help me set them down, never to reclaim</div>
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The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-38622590050303884132012-10-17T06:40:00.001-07:002012-10-17T06:40:53.011-07:00MetaphorI was doing an assignment for Senior Seminar, going through Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life", and he asked what we think the metaphor our life is. The image that popped into my head was that of valley of wild flowers after a rain storm. Here is what I got out of that.<br />
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My life is beautiful, sometimes breathtakingly so. There is no doubt that there have been times, and there will undoubtedly be again, where I have experienced pain that could shatter everything I value about myself (which is sometimes God's way of revealing truth to us, particularly us stubborn types). But does stepping, or even falling face first, into a mud puddle lessen the beauty I am surrounded by? Not in the least. Sure, it can, and does, cause me to focus on that pain for a moment, but the Lord's wonders are still there.<br />
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These wonders can be enjoyed while in the midst of them, or from the rim of the valley, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I see them. Better yet, all that matters is that I can dance in those mud puddles and in midst of the glory of God.<br />
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<br />The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-41198815277307127882012-03-24T10:52:00.000-07:002012-03-24T10:52:34.830-07:00Life is a Balancing Act<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Wow. A whole stinking month since my last post and I have, sadly, not made as much progress in my life as I would like to say that I have. I know for an absolute, indisputable fact it is because I have not been doing my "face time" with God as I should be doing. I think this is the most important part of my walk right now and I have been, sadly, neglecting it. I have been praying in the form of journaling and I have been reading my Bible, but these do not, right now, challenge me the way "face time" does. I am also lacking, still, in that area of great challenge for so many people, discipline. My goal, though it is a soft one, is to start waking up at 5 in the morning in order for me to get in all of the necessary components of my quiet time. I managed to get up at six a couple of times and I plan to just keep working backwards every couple of weeks by ten minutes until a I can get up at 5. </i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>The thing that makes it so hard for is that the more stressed I get, the more i just want to sleep. And I can't ever go to bed before 12 or so, it just doesn't work. So I end up just not getting up in the morning. I know the Lord will sustain me, it's just really hard convincing my body of that, lol. And the more tired I am, the harder it is for me to have the desire to do, well, anything really. God is bigger than my stress and my continued battle against complacency and I will serve Him and bring Him glory, no matter my situation. Praise Him that He can work through my short comings!!! With Christ in me, I can do this. I can find the balance I so desperately need in my life. </i></span><br />
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</i></span>The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-80112204653876219732012-02-26T12:29:00.000-08:002012-02-26T12:29:02.778-08:00What God can do in under a week.<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Wow, it has been an amazing week spiritually! It is truly miraculous what the Lord can do when we are finally able to take ourselves out of it! I was going to start with today and work backwards, but I think it will be better to start on Wednesday and work up to today as that will probably make more sense......</i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>As you have hopefully read in my previous blog, I have started really trying to focus on my prayer life this week (and for the rest of my life, really) and have already had some life changing encounters with The Lord On High. I truly believe that, for the first time in my life, God is fully in control. I think up to this point, I have employed God as a sort of consultant, never ever going to Him to find out what the true direction should be. It's kind of like in a business how you know what you want your company to look like and so you bring in an outside opinion to offer a different perspective but if it doesn't line up with what YOU want, you pay your fee and do what you wanted to do anyway. Obviously, this is a sin. And it is EXACTLY how I have been living my life. But on Wednesday night, I truly believe that I stepped back from the helm and let the Lord take it over. And it is beyond description, this freedom that I feel. I literally mean that I cannot find the words to describe how full my heart feels, how unstressed and clear my mind is. I don't think that I can explain to those of you who may be struggling with this what to do as it was a deeply personal experience. I am sorry in that, but every person must make their own peace with God. I will certainly pray for those of you who ask me to, that you would be able to find this peace in your own life.</i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Now, on to the not so pretty details.</i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I am utterly terrified that I am going to disappoint The Lord again. Not in such a way that it is taking away from my peace of mind, but merely that I am so very aware of how human I am and how prone to leave my King. To attempt to safe guard against this, I am literally getting out of bed in the morning, getting on my knees at my bedside, and giving my life back to Him. I do this because, like I have said many times and will say again, I know how terribly human I am and how easy it is for me to take my life back again. But I think this is part of my growth process, learning that I will never be able to say, and truly mean it forever and ever, that I give my life to you, oh Lord. There is probably far more complexity to than that but I don't know if I can accurately put it into words. .....</i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>And on to the next epiphany I have had this week.</i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I went to church today for the first time in longer than is really good for me to admit, and even though the message was very good, I got something else out of it entirely. The pastor referenced something in 1st Corinthians something and I got a little sidetracked in chapter 7, Instruction on Marriage. As you probably know by now, I have a hard time with the fact that I am single (which is actually mostly beat into submission now, I think) and that God has not brought that special man into my life. But as I was reading chapter 7, I began to realize the absolute truth of a couple of things. One is that singleness truly is a gift! When am I ever again going to be able to just pick up and leave if that is what God asks me to do? When am I ever again going to give away every item in my house without a second thought if that is what God says I should do? I am so thankful that I am single right now! And I can say that honestly and without a hint of sarcasm for the first time in my life! I am SO blessed:D The second thing I realized was that the who doesn't matter so much as the what. What I mean by this is that I don't need to be looking around wondering if this great man or that great man is my future husband so much as the fact that I am glorifying God within that relationship. This is also true in any and every other aspect of my life. The where of after school doesn't matter so long as I am doing everything within my power (and the power that Christ works within me) to bring honor to my King. Fascinating, is it not? I firmly believe that God will bring me a husband, and I am excited at the prospect. But I am equally excited that I am currently single. I am also beyond thankful that God has given me more time to draw closer to Him before He brings me the distraction of a man. Praise God in His infinite wisdom!!!!!!!</i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I could keep going, but I will let your eyes rest until next time;) </i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ea9999; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>God bless you! </i></span>The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-85490513676774128832012-02-21T16:23:00.000-08:002012-02-21T16:23:54.635-08:00Epic. Failure.<em><span style="color: red; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Two weeks it has been since my last post. TWO WEEKS!!! What an opportunity for growth is all I guess I can say about that; learning how hard it is for me to stick with even the simplest tasks... Le sigh.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">On the up side, I actually have some things to talk about now! </span></em><br />
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<em><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">To start with, I am not going to be an RA this coming year and am going to live off campus with some good buddies of mine! While I am excited about this new direction, I know that if I had taken the time to actually pray through this, I would have realized that I should be an RA. Again, growth opportunities in that I had to humble myself a bit and at least try to go down the path that God would have preferred me to take. This is an interesting topic and one that I have been discussing with a good buddy of mine quite a lot recently. My stand is that God does not make your decisions for you and that the more you live your life in a manner that is consistent with Biblical teachings, the easier it will be for the decision making to mirror the characteristics Christ desires of us. So I am trying to learn how to do just that.....</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">I think one of the best ways to figure out God's will is to pray. A lot and seriously. How I am undertakng this challenge is to, literally, get on my face and pray for at least a half an hour. I have, so far, only done this twice ( I started on Sunday so I am on track) and it's hard. But it is SO worth it. I can already feel a change in myself, the breaking down of walls and the loosening of the death grip I have on my life. Not to mention the fact that 30 minutes is already not enough time.</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">Next on this list of ideas for growth: I am on a media fast. What this looks is that I am not on FB (except to post this), I am not listening to music, and I am not watching TV or movies. I felt like I needed to do this because when I went down to pray the first night, I had a hard time being still and hearing what God might try to say to me because I kept running through the shows that I had watched and thinking about how I would have written them or acted them or whatever. Then I would switch to different songs that were stuck in my head and singing those. And it is mighty hard to hear God when you have Adele rolling in the depths of your mind (see what I did there?). And of course FB is just time consuming and really very pointless if you think about it. </span></em><br />
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<em><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">I am really trying to do these things because Christ has been faithful to me and has given me stewardship over things that I have been utterly failing to be faithful with. I am such a superficial Christian and have always been terrified of going any deeper, so this is my attempt at learning to trust that God will ALWAYS be faithful. I can't even begin to explain why I don't and never really have because I'm not even entirely sure. I just know that this is not how I want to live and I have never truly believed that walking away from this relationship that started ages ago is an option.....</span></em><br />
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<em><span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">Well, I'll keep you all (all, what? 3-4 of you?) updated on how this goes!!</span></em>The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-15103872893972811022012-02-06T11:51:00.000-08:002012-02-06T11:51:36.798-08:00Man, nothing like a public journal to make you realize how boring your life is.<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Yet another week has gone by, and I still have changed nothing. I am undecided as to whether this is because I am just a lazy, non-dedicated person, or because my life really will never change........ Either way, nothing new to report.</i></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Just as an academic update though, I will have taken 5 tests by the end of this week. Maybe all my calendars are wrong but I didn't think finals started until the end of April...... The life of a college junior;) Prayer that I would keep my head on straight would be greatly appreciated! </i></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Also prayer that the Lord would just sustain me. I have this tendency to just want to sleep all of the time of when things get to crazy and this seems to have started happening again. Any suggestions on how to deal would be appreciated as well. </i></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>So, short, sweet and to the point seems to be the theme today! Hopefully, something will have happened by this weekend. I'll type at ya later!</i></span>The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-49533692149246481162012-01-29T18:57:00.000-08:002012-01-29T18:57:02.430-08:00The one thing I am sticking with....Life moves much too fast for my liking. January is winding down and have not met a single goal for one whole week. In part, this is a lack of discipline. The other side of this is that there is so much else going on that I have a hard time keeping track of certain things; mostly just the things that I want to accomplish for my own purposes. On the upside, there is a shift in me. It's like, little pieces of my heart are slowly peeling back and opening to reveal the most tender inner parts. The question is, will I allow God entry into that part? I want to, but every time I have ever let Him get close, I put up all of my defenses. My biggest weapon being apathy. I simply walk away saying that all of this was in my head, that God doesn't really want all of me. But I know that's not the truth. The truth is that I am terrified of figuring out who I really am, of letting God truly fill me and make me more and more like His son. The only thing I know is that I can keep trying.<br />
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One goal that I had in mind was to live a little, to take some chances. And I have one in mind that I am going to undertake this coming week, I'll keep you posted;)<br />
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Anyway, I need to finish some homework. Until next week readers, stay classy:pThe Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-62574847244263583652012-01-22T11:45:00.000-08:002012-01-22T11:45:18.826-08:00Wow. Where did this last week go?! I mean, it has seriously just flown by. It's strange because nothing at all has happened and yet I feel as though my whole life is on the verge of changing drastically...<br />
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I'll start with the shallow stuff.<br />
I hardly worked out (2-3 times max) this last week and on Friday I ate an entire order of stuffed cheesy bread... This is on top of the Ice Cream and other dessert type things I ate this week. I am no good at this whole no sugar thing and I am trying hard to not resign myself to just weighing 500lbs by the time I'm 30; which is coming right up I might add.<br />
Anyway, I need to make running a part of my routine because it is much more healthy to go run a couple miles than it is to waste your weekend mornings sleeping. On top of that, it helps me focus more through out the week and helps, ya know, fight heart disease and obesity and all of that good stuff. In summation: running to fight stress=good. Sleeping to fight stress=bad. Yeah.<br />
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Now on to the not shallow stuff.<br />
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I read "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers on Wednesday night. Yes, the WHOLE thing. I am now re-reading it so that I can try to more fully comprehend the love of God for me. For whatever reason, this is the hardest thing in world for me to comprehend. The fact that God loves me no matter what I have done and wants nothing from me. If any one who reads this has some insight into this incomprehensible phenomena, please share it with those of us who cannot understand. My utter terror in life comes from the fear that I am unlovable and I feel that if I can come to even slightly grasp that GOD loves me, I believe that there is nothing that I will not be able to do, no task I cannot accomplish, no man that will be able to keep me down. But I have constructed my comfortable cage so well that without I feel vulnerable, naked, and more alone than I do with those familiar walls all around me.<br />
I believe that part of the problem stems also from the fear that I don't know who I would be without those walls. For what felt like ages, I fought to know who I am and or was. Now I can see that that person was not who God intended. So I have to step out yet again to learn who I TRULY am. And this person, whoever she is, cannot live in a cage for the rest of her life and still do the work God has intended for her.<br />
The stubbornness and fear of the current and old me fights every step of the way to stay inside. The new and future me knows that the cage must be utterly destroyed in order for her to wholly take root and grow. Old me runs interference at every turn and new idea, grasping at the familiar with the grip of the desperate and the dead, never seeing that she is just that, dead.The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-90555688240771397392012-01-15T12:31:00.000-08:002012-01-15T12:31:31.287-08:00Week OneThe first week of school was somewhat uneventful, although it managed to be completely insane at the same time. I put in 20 hours (yay money!) at the coffee shop where I work and managed to get all of my RA duties, and homework done. Unfortunately, this also meant that I was in bed until 11 or later today and yesterday... Oops!<br />
As far as my not resolutions resolutions have gone, they could have been better. I did work out 3 times but when you are shooting for 5 it doesn't seem that great. Sugar and I are having a slow, drawn out break up. I just can't seem to make a clean break. Any suggestions on how to do so would be greatly appreciated!!<br />
The most important nonresolution I made has been the one that I have hardly thought of. My personal quiet time. I know that this is the most beneficial and life changing one that I have made, but my humanness just cannot seem to grasp this concept. I long to have an intimacy with God because that is the way that I, and every person on this planet, have been created. But I would rather try and fill this space in me with everything else. I guess I have trouble grasping something that I have never truly known, I mean, I can only see that which is around me and that I can see and touch. I am too logical to say that I have seen the face of God in the little things, like the mighty thunderstorm or the sounds an infant makes. Because of this, I can say that I am a perfect human being. Think about it. Who but humans would be given the opportunity to walk with their Almighty Creator and choose to not? This is why I am a deeply lonely person. I choose to ignore the God who satisfies in an attempt to fill myself. I pray (or at least I will try to) that I will allow my God to fill me and that I can truly learn to trust Him for the first time in my life.The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8367208951747867516.post-78120518979518811742012-01-08T17:07:00.000-08:002012-01-08T17:07:29.907-08:00Kimi Reed: The RemakeI have learned several things about myself in the last year or so that I can't say that I like all that much. For one thing, I try to do things on my own rather than rely on my Lord to handle them all. Pride, what can I say? Another (and be aware this is slightly pathetic and starkly honest, but it is not me whining, just stating some facts) is that I am deeply lonely. I have many friends and have been blessed with a great family which is why this bothers me, pure and simple. That and I perceive it as weakness;) Basically, it ALL comes back to pride for me and I want to make it right with my Lord.<br />
Aside from this, I want to be healthy. I am currently 185lbs and can hardly run a mile. This is all going to change. God gave me this body to take care of and I am going to do it. I may be starting a bit late, but, you know what they say. I need to start taking care of myself so that I can have a sustainable lifestyle. Basically, I want energy levels that will raise my quality of life. I am starting this off by foregoing sugar for the four months (gulp), drinking more water, and running more. It's gonna be all about the cardio for the next two months. <a href="http://ittybitsofbalance.com/2011/07/13/beginners-running-interval-treadmill-workout/">http://ittybitsofbalance.com/2011/07/13/beginners-running-interval-treadmill-workout/</a> <------- That's the website I am going to use for my running. As far as food goes, I am going to try and eat a lot of fruits and veggies and whole grains. I am not going to limit my food intake for the most part as that has only ever led me to failure.<br />
Personally, I am going to let God lead me to be more loving. Because I have a hard time not being somewhat harsh, and really just petty.<br />
I really believe there is more to life than what I have been doing with it and I am going to figure out what it is. No resolutions have I made, this is me simply taking charge of my life, by turning it over to God, lol.<br />
Bear with me while I bare my life. Literally.The Serendipitous Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17261611467634506853noreply@blogger.com0